Before I met Christ, sinning was as if the easiest thing to do. Never had I considered what my actions meant to God, how He felt about them. I saw it as part of life.
And today for the first time in my life am I so strongly convicted of my sin. I have fallen. Despite having been saved, I have once again lived as if I hadn't. Never have I felt such pain in my heart. The guilt eats away at my soul, it consumes my heart. It causes me to hide from my Father, for the guilt is more than I can bear. Can God forgive one who does not forgive himself?
But I know Jesus has redeemed me. That His grace covers me, that He takes away my sin. But even though He readily saves and forgives as I ask of Him, an even greater pain fills my heart. The fact that I have hurt Him by sinning, the disappointment that I have caused Him, the weight of my shame that I put on Him. I have hurt the One whom I love. As my sin hurts me, it hurts Him all the more.
But what can I do now, but let He who knows all deal with me. What can I do, but call on His name and reach out to His hand to save me from this darkness. For who saves, if not Him? All I can ask for is forgiveness and cleansing. Purge me, Father, of everything that is not of You. Cleanse me thoroughly, and make me white as snow. For I have decided that I would live my life, solely for You. This temple is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and I shall not permit any other spirit that is not of God to dwell in it. Do a deep work in me.
And how sure am I of keeping my word? I am not. For even Peter denied Christ three times when he said he wouldn't. But...my resolve is clear. and that is a start. By His grace and strength, I shall keep it.
Through the LORD 's mercies we are not consumed,
because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
- Lamentations 3:22-23
Sin has no hold on me.
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